In Times of Grief

Last week a sweet young boy died in an auto related accident.  I say he was a young boy because when I read the headline that said, "Man dies..." and finished reading it, realizing that he was a friend of my son's as well as a friend of many boys in our community, my mind said, "He's a baby.  Not a man.  A sweet baby."  He was 19.

He and his whole family have spent time on my massage table.  The Mama first got on my massage chair years ago right after having lost her father.  I was at the Farmer's Market working on whoever wanted to get on the chair.

A couple years ago their whole family gave I.M. Spa gift certificates to each other for Christmas.  Every time I saw the dad we would talk about how the son was doing, what he was studying in college--the same career path as his father, so proud.  His bike had gotten stolen right on campus. He might come back home to live in his sophomore year.  I'm very inquisitive of my friends who are raising their children well.  I have kids getting ready to walk the same path.  I'm taking notes.  I hope to do as well with my sons.

I remember the look in dad's face as he sat on the stone wall on the downtown square during Farmer's Market and watched his son playing guitar and singing.  So proud.  Sheer contentment.

This was the second time that I have gone into the midst of grief in my community to hold space for friends who have lost a child.  And it was the Mama from the first who encouraged me to bring my table this time.

Words are no good.  There are none that adequately say enough.  It is not okay.  It is never going to be okay.  There is no answer to why.  There is no do over.  And the pain is immense.

Because words are so inadequate I am thankful to be able to offer touch.  Massage for grieving mamas and papas who haven't been able to sleep through the living nightmare.  Even if they can grab a few minutes or an hour or two of sleep on the table it is a good thing.

Guiding somebody in the trauma and time warp of fresh grief onto the massage table in the surrealness of that moment for some escape and momentary sanctuary is something any family member or neighbor can do.  Don't feel like you have to know what you are doing.  Don't feel like you are not doing it right.  Touch is right.  Touch is amazing.  It can help root them back down from the insanity of loss.  It can provide a connection with the living when a part of them has died. It transcends words.  Your touch can convey your love for them and for their family.  Your touch can convey compassion and the limited understanding of somebody who has not had to suffer that pain, but can bear witness to it.

There is no right way to do it.  Trust yourself.  Trust that they need it and that they will tell you if they don't. Trust the human connection that is touch.  We all need it.  Especially in times of grief.

Tea Tree Oil--How I Love Thee? Let me count the ways...

I use Tea Tree Oil every day.  For everything.  Well, almost.  But really I do.

Tea Tree Essential Oil, or Melaleuca Oil is antimicrobial (like anibiotics), antifungal (good for foot fungus etc), traditionally used to relieve upper respiratory illnesses (bronchitis, common colds, etc.), antiseptic (great for acne), and if I feel that numb feeling of a canker sore coming on it squashes it in the bud, and Tea Tree is just all around awesome.

I use it for my teeth because I have a pocket in my gums.  I feel like I'm confessing.  Yes I have a pocket in my gums.  If I don't take care of it it gets bigger.  When I put my little Q-tip with Tea Tree Oil on it twice a day, it stays about 3 millimeters deep.  If I get lazy and don't use my Tea Tree, it has gotten as deep as 6 millimeters deep.  Fortunately I have a dentist who puts up with my ornery ways and she is 'allowing' me to treat it myself as long as I keep having such positive results.  If I get terribly lazy and the pocket deepens she says I have to go to the mouth surgeon guy where he will 'scale' my tooth, in other words scrape it down with a knife, so that the gums can reattach.  I really don't want anybody near my teeth with anesthesia and surgical equipment so I'm diligent about my Tea Tree Oil.  This has been going on for 2 years.  I'd say it's working.

Oh, the lovely bottles

We have a client who comes to the spa to buy Tea Tree Oil for her child's stinky ballet slippers.  She puts it in a spritzer mixed with water, and voila!  Antifungal smell killer.

I use it in my laundry and I use it as a natural deodorant.  I don't use deodorant or antiperspirants from big box stores.  So many of them have toxic ingredients and I'm not interested in poisoning myself so I'll smell like fake flowers.  But Tea Tree Oil, killing the bacteria under my arms and making me smell good at the same time, naturally?  I'm all for that.

So if you don't have any other essential oils in your bathroom cabinets, I totally think you should get some Tea Tree Oil.  If I didn't have my Tea Tree Oil I'm pretty sure I would have had to have surgery on my mouth.  Yuck.

And on a side note, my dentist said to me that since I told her what I was doing with the Tea Tree Oil on my gums several other people have told her the same thing.  Hmmm.

P.S.  So I wrote this post with my own anecdotal evidence and then I went to Wikipedia.  OMG Tea Tree Oil is amazing.  Look at the section that says 'On Humans.'  Highly recommend.

UofA Video Immersion Commercial of I.M. Spa

I have been so impressed with the UofA lately.  Seems like every time I turn around they are doing projects in the community. For the business students it seems like a great way to see some real world small businesses. 

For the ladies in the journalism department, the thing that they seemed to love the most was the ability to 'be nosy,' which is exactly what a journalist should be.  They loved being able to follow a person/story over a period of time and ask tons of questions.  

The lovely ladies at the Journalism department came to us this semester and asked if they could do a video commercial for I.M. Spa.  I love to get other people's perspectives and interpretations of what we do at the spa, and they did a great job with their video production.  Most excellent.

Video Interpretation of I.M. Spa

Makes you want a foot massage, doesn't it?

I.M. Spa

479-251-7422

Couples Massage Class for Intimacy & Connection

So excited about offering this class.  This is the key to you being able to get regular, affordable massage.  Not to mention the key to improving your relationship and your communication with your spouse.  If you can only attend one of these classes, Choose class 3--it's the core.

Couples Massage Class

Cost:  $100 per couple per class.  $350 for the series of 4.

Duration:  2 Hours

Preregistration is required

Where?  Terra Tots, 15 S. Block Ave. Fayetteville, AR

Description:  This class is the perfect Date Night.  In each of these classes techniques will be demonstrated for, given, and received by each couple.

Class 1:  Prenatal Massage and Massage During Labor.  This class is specific to the labor process and the needs of pregnant mamas during labor and delivery.  Special attention will be given to techniques for unusual positioning, problem areas such as hips and back labor, as well as techniques for men to consider when trying to sustain heavy massage pressure over the extended period of time that is labor.

Class 2:  Prenatal Massage for Couples.  The focus of this class is on prenatal massage for the woman during her pregnancy, but using techniques that can be used on each other to facilitate more routine massage connection throughout the pregnancy.  Focus on hips, adductors, feet, neck, and shoulders.

Class 3:  Couples Massage for Intimacy & Connection.  If you can only make it to one class in this series, this is the one you have to come to.  This class focuses on the essence of a good massage, communication.  Participants will learn how to find the sweet spot, give proper pressure without getting tired, give good feedback, and listen to words, hands, and body language to guide you through the massage.

Class 4:  Functional Couples Massage.  This class addresses the nuts and bolts of giving and receiving a good massage for and from your partner. 

Recommended Supplies Available Through I.M. Spa:

Couples Massage Class Essentials:  I.M. Spa Massage Oil, Cocoa Butter Badger Balm $40

What to bring to class:  Yourself and your partner, dress in comfortable stretchy clothing (no jeans), the massage in this class is done fully clothed.

Infant Massage Classes and Couples Massage Classes at Terra Tots Coming Soon!

Everybody should be massaging each other.

When I was in Thailand I saw people working on each other all over the place.  In the markets the vendors would be massaging each other in simple sitting postures while they waited for customers.  They even teach massage in the temples.  Wat Pho is famous for the massages that they offer as well as the massage school that is there on the temple grounds.  There are even statues of Thai Massage in the temples.

This is a street side foot massage place in Chiang Mai. 

This is a culture that values massage.  It is a part of the daily life there.  It's part of the spiritual life, more than the once yearly Maundy Thursday in our Christian traditions.  It's important.

I love teaching infant massage classes to new mamas.  There is nothing more intimate and meaningful that you can do with your child throughout their life.  I cherish the time I get with my children on the massage table.  It's a time with no interruptions, they get my undivided attention, they can be quiet and receive if they want, or they can open up and talk about whatever crazy details life has been dishing them lately.

I also love teaching couples massage classes.  It's like offering a date night for people.  Once again, there is nothing more intimate and meaningful you can do with your spouse.

Yes I do think couples massage can be more intimate than sex.  Making time for nonsexual meaningful touch for the sake of intimacy and connection on a regular basis can add an amazing dimension to your relationship.  And I love facilitating that connection.

Jennifer at Terra Tots has invited us in to teach an infant massage class once a month, as well as a series of couples massage classes and I am honored to have the opportunity to bring this more fully into our community.  I'll let you know when we get more of the details put together.  First classes will be May 23rd.  Let me know if you want to come.

Have I told you lately how much I love massage therapy?

More about I.M. Spa: 479-251-7422

Touching People With Massage With Music

We have a great relationship with the Walton Arts Center.  I love working with the artists who come through there.  We share a similar language.  We have each 'tapped a vein' of creativity that we share with others, whether on the massage table, or on the stage.

The Monterey Jazz Festival on Tour came through here yesterday and the pianist, Benny Green, came into the spa. He said, "I really appreciate what you massage therapists do."

Doing massage is similar to playing jazz piano, in that we are using our hands, listening to what note needs to be played--what muscle needs attention, deciding whether to hold that note or play on through to the next.  It's a meshing of energy shared by the therapist and the person on the table.  No two therapists play the same style.  No two massages with the same therapist will carry the same energy.  No two renderings of a song will be the same.

I feel a connection to Benny and other performers who have worked at their art and present it for others.  I told him I also really appreciate what he does.  He has the ability to share his art with thousands of people at one time.  They can all join in on the vein that he has tapped and ride that wave all at the same time.

On the massage table we touch one person at a time.  But we are able to sink all of our attention and focus into that one person.  It would be awesome to be able to connect on the level that Benny is able to connect.  It's like he said as we were comparing massage to music, "We're all just energy.  It's all energy."

Love it.  Thank you Benny.

And by the way Benny, it was Benny and Joon.  :)

Promoting Independent Businesses

Tonight we hosted the first Fayetteville Independent Business Alliance's Quarterly Meet & Greet.  I was talking to Craig (my husband) earlier today, saying, "I must be crazy.  I have 4 kids and a business, but here I am spearheading a group to promote our local economy."  It's this idealistic gene I inherited.  It could be the death of me.

But when I see these independents I am so inspired by the entrepreneurial spirit, because to be an independent means you have to have a passion, you have to have fierce creativity, you have to be able to believe in something long after everybody else has given up, and the stamina to see it through when you could be getting a 401K, vacation pay, sick pay, and a regular paycheck working for The Man.

Kirsten, a hugely successful retailer with Riffraff said to me a few weeks ago, "You have to be a little crazy to own a small business."

Yes, I know.  So why do I want to encourage other people to do this?  Inspiration.  Hope.  Drive.  Creativity is beautiful.  And damn it, we need to educate people about the importance and value of keeping our dollars local.